Brittney Leigh

2011: Things I’ll never say

1. I’m in love with you. You know that. Just when I think I’m over you, you come back, and I fall all over again, faster and harder. I’ve known you for almost two years now, and I’ll never get used to my heart skipping a beat every time I see your face. My first love. You’ll always be my first love, and I’ll always be yours. Nothing can change that now.

Most of the time when we talk I end up in tears, but when we’re together, it’s so different. That spark is still there. It is for me at least. I know you don’t feel the same, and that will always leave my heart stinging a little bit. 

I know it’s for the best that we’re not together. I know it is.

I’ll always be here though. I promised I’d never leave you, and unlike you, I keep my promises. I’m terribly afraid you’ll want me back one day, and I won’t have the strength to say no. At the end of the day, we’ll never be the same. I hope one day we can be friends. I really do.

2. I love you. You know that. Without you I would have never made it through 2011. You think you know how much you’ve helped me, but you really have no clue. Nine times out of ten, calling me and talking to me about nothing all night kept me from crying myself to sleep. Telling me how beautiful I am, and how amazing I am helped me love myself again, and helped me move on step by step. Although I’m still in the process of moving on, your still there for me no matter how long it takes. I know how much you liked me, and I always wondered if I was selfish, or if hearing me talk about him hurt you. I hope it didn’t.

Feelings are there, but we’d never make it as a couple. You understand why, I hope. We argue, and we get mad at each other, but we love each other, and we always make up, which makes me a happy girl. Our friendship is so strong. I love you so much. I’ll always be here for you. No matter how bad you piss me off sometimes. <3

3. I know you have my best interest at heart, but sometimes I just need to do my own thing. Let me go. Let me make my own decisions. I’ll always remember how much unnecessary pain you caused me, and even though it’s in the past, I’ll always subconsciously hold it against you. There’s nothing I can do about the past, and honestly I don’t regret a thing. And honestly, if I had to make those decisions all over again I would do it exactly the same way I did the first time. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is.

1. brittneylovesu posted this